thankful Thursday/Friday

Today I am thankful for urgent care (damn infections again), the time George still has left in his schedule after nursing school and work, Life cereal, and foot massages.

Journey vs Destination

I have a fortune cookie message that urges me to remember that life is about the journey not the destination. I often receive fortune cookies that relate to something that I am struggling with. I am not going to be cynical and believe that they are not just for me. Anyways, I received this message about the journey versus the destination and recognized immediately that this is a problem for me. I am a goal driven person, it is always about the end game- accomplishments, completed projects, etc. This is one of the reasons that I am not crafty, do not do home improvement projects, and do not torture myself with lengthy recipes. As a Christian I can often focus on the destination too much. In doing so, I realize that I miss life at times. I miss building the loving relationships and serving Christ in my day to day situations. Savoring the experience. That is what I am trying to say. Savoring the experience of life. How can I be more savory? I can practice mindfulness activities, more meditation and prayer, gratitude. I will continue to search for more ideas.

Today I am grateful for: competent and caring medical staff, a patient husband to love and care for me when I am not being a good patient, and the opportunity for George to go to school and work.

Thankful Tuesday

Today I am thankful for friends that will make you lunch and make you laugh (when you really don't want to eat or smile), soft sheets, my husband-the human hot water bottle, new beginnings, Anna's sweet smile, paid bills, and God's love.

Thankful

Today I am thankful for fourth grade teachers, the internet, heating pads, and friends who answer my calls and listen to me cry whenever I need them. It's a sad list right now, but very true.

fourth grade

I remember 4th grade. I love my teacher- Mrs. Laughlin. She was in her thirties, blond hair styled in a bob. I loved Mrs. Laughlin so much, I worked really hard not to disappoint her. She would get this tone in her voice that would form a lump in my throat, it upset me so. But when she smiled and laughed... It was a much better day.

It was also the first year I really started thinking about 'divorce'. Mrs. Laughlin was in the middle of a divorce, I heard the other teachers and my mother talking about it. She cried sometimes, but otherwise she held it together better than I would've.

Mrs. Laughlin taught me to make no bake cookies. Our class read some story that referenced them. A group of us were give the task of following the recipe and making the batter on a hot plate in the back of the room (good old days). Well, we were not exactly working as a group and I don't think anyone read the recipe. Before you know it, chocolate was burning and sticking to the pan and we were pointing fingers at each other. Mrs. Laughlin was across the room working with a slower reading group. The more advanced readers were in the back of the room, not reading the recipe. She yelled across the room, "What is going on back there?" Dead silence. Then, "Etta are you all following the recipe?" My response was, "I was fixin' to read it..." She said, "Fixin to is not good enough." Horrors! I cried in front of my classmates.

So many good memories with her though. It was impossible for me to learn times tables and most of my classmates learned them in third grade. She took the time to explain them to me and encourage me all the way. She was very earnest in her praise. I hope she knows how much she meant to all of us.

Today was Anna's first day of fourth grade. I hope she has a Mrs. Laughlin too.

So, of course I had to confront the person that sent me the bitchy-toned email. It turns out that she was in a rush and did not intend the tone. I'm not really sure about that, but there was also some truth to the information in it. All in all, we both feel better.

I have been getting testing on my heart the last few days. First, it really sucks to get medical testing because you do not get to be in charge of your own body. I went to a great facility, so the equipment was state of the art with the best of the best staff. I don't really like it when people I do not know touch me. I do not like needles at all. I am reminded how much of a control freak I really am. So, who knows what the results will be. I'm hoping for good news.

Either way, I am planning to start blogging about the changes I am making in my lifestyle to improve my health. Seeing my heart on the big flat screen with all of the fat pressed around it was very frightening.

We'll see what happens next!

I recently received an email that was so bitchy, my face started to sting as if the slap was truly physical. Of course, then I cried. Worse yet- I was at work so I had to get it together. Man, electronic communication can be a trip