check in

I am thankful for hope and belief today. There are so many things that can be discouraging. I was really disappointed for the first time in a long time of Friday. I found out that someone I trusted was REALLY not who I thought they were. Their intentions towards me were not pure or kind. They are looking for me to fail and to be unhappy. So then I go through anger, thinking about revenge, and then just really sad and disappointed. I am not sure what to do to fix the issue, it is not something I can turn the other cheek on (I think?). I have to address it one way or the other. Today I am hopeful about the future, and thankful for today. I believe!

I feel so distant from my church, support, and fellowship of Christians. A lot of it is my fault. I have pulled away from others at times, am not involved in everything because I am busy. I am just really sad about the lack of connection, and pray for something to change. We have missed a lot of church this year. George and I have been married for 13 years and have NEVER missed this much church. I know we need to re-engage. I really believe that faith has kept us together and helped us to build the marriage and family that we have right now. Sigh. I'm praying.

Anna is still a sunshine, and KJ is still my favorite son. George is gorgeous. My job is challenging me and growing me. Life is good.

This week

This week was grueling. Highs and lows. But made it through, kickboxing was great again this morning.

Restart!

I got up this morning, went to kickboxing class. I feel so good! I was able to hang in!! Then came home to some scrambled eggs and oatmeal. My body is so happy. We should do this more often.

Trying to make up for the four martinis and gourmet cupcake I ate yesterday. Someone wrote an anonymous letter about me at work, delivered to our vice president. It was so petty and ridiculous! Anonymous letters are for punks, and I refuse to allow it to distract me. Seriously I have so many other things to do at home and at work. Someone has to do the laundry- I am out of undies (big smile). It would be much better if it wasn't all the way in the stinky basement.

It is a happy day, despite the sad days of the past, I will rejoice and be glad in today.

Am I In High School??

The politics at work make me feel like I am trying to navigate the cliques at high school. Will it never end?

a rough week

I have had a crappy week. What I just realized is that the secret ingredient to this crappy week is.... self doubt. "Am I being an unreasonable bitch to expect you to do what you are paid to do?" No. But I could probably say it in a way that makes you want to do your job.

On the good side, I was finally able to buy my child school supplies and new clothes before school started, without scrimping up the change. She was able to get the backpack she wanted, rather than what was on sale. It was a good, settling feeling. Won't last because my student loans are chasing me down the street. I am enjoyin today though.

Off to Jefferson City this week. More talk of changes and budget cuts. Deep sigh. Be the difference, right?

"center" "balance"

These things do not exist. They are created to torture women who are working full time and trying to be the best mothers, wives, sisters, and friends that they can be. There is no way to balance that. There is still peer pressure-as a grown up. Does my child feel neglected because I do not drive them everywhere they think they want to go. That I actually expect them to (gasp!) ride a bike, or find a way on their own. Hard to do when there are mothers who will jump in the car all hours of the day to drive them anywhere. It makes me feel like a lazy mother. Sometimes I am (my house is a funky mess)but most times I am not. I do the hard stuff. So up yours balanced people.

Monday--Going to Washington D.C. to lobby for mental healthcare transformation. I am nervous, and excited. I have never been to D.C. and I really need to make a plan to see what I am going to get into. Going to Chicago shortly after, to meet up with my family (who will start their vacation before I even get back from Chicago!). Exciting times. Praying for safety, for sure.

I had a wonderful dinner with a good friend last night. We ended up talking to our waiter, who is about to start his first position as an associate pastor in Ohio. We talked about scripture, Abraham, and the prophesy that continues to reveal itself everyday. It was a great way to end this week.

Life is good.